I'm personally not sure how to start this or why I'm writing this... I mean, I'm not even sure why you're reading this. Well, I guess I did address it to you so I suppose starting with an introduction would be fitting.
I won't reveal my name, but I am a female in my 30s. And I'm a Chinese-Canadian. I was born in a Chinese city, and immigrated out of said Chinese city due to political reasons. I completed most of my schooling in a city close to Toronto, but as any suburbia dwellers will understand, we mostly just say we're "from Toronto" to avoid repeated explanations of where my city ACTUALLY is. Like now.
So in any case, I am immigrant child. Or first generation kid, as my University likes to label us. It ultimately means I'm the first kid in my family to go to University (in a western country?). I always hated that label, but that's a conversation for another time.
So why am I writing this?
What do I want to tell you?
To be fair... I'm just bored, waiting for my idle mobile games to regenerate those god damn energy bars so I can do pointless things.
I'm thinking that this will be somewhat like a message for myself to come back to, since I've always wanted to write my feelings about being an Asian kid, from an average household and not having the closest relationship with family. And I am addressing to you and writing it like an advice post, not because I actually think I am wise... well, perhaps I am, but I want to be confident in what I am writing.
You Can Do It
Confidence is not my strong suit, as you can tell from my writing. Or maybe not (if so I've done my job, case closed). As we speak, I am still learning to not second guess myself. In fact, just 3 seconds ago, I just thought about how what I am writing sounds pointless and dumb. And maybe it is, but I just think I need to write this. And I hope I can soldier on.
My parents never outright told me I was useless, or dumb. But there are so many things my parents wouldn't let me do out of "safety" or "for my wellbeing".
Take driving for example.
I got my driver's license at 20 years old. I practiced my ass off with an instructor, who from the very start gave me nothing but praises. He knew I would pass my tests very easily. And I did. My first one at least. In Toronto, there are two tests you have to take to get a "full license". I failed my second one on my first try (due to me underestimating how slippery the road was).
But it wasn't that test that really fueled anything. No. From the beginning, my parents already knew they weren't going to let me drive alone. Not until I had "proved myself" to them by driving with them in the car every time. I had to prove that I was a safe driver in order to be able to drive alone.
There was no time limit on this. It was for my safety.
If you are a parent, you can probably where my parents are coming from. But as a child, let me tell you how that tanked my confidence from an 8 (which is only thanks to my driving instructor) to an absolute -10.
To this day, I still question if I am a qualified driver at all. I avoid driving, because my parents implanted this idea in me that I wasn't driving with them in car, therefore I am not capable to driving safely. Which isn't true at all. I have driven in Japan several times, for multi-hour journeys in various parts of Japan. If it's anything that makes me an unsafe driver, it's the lack of practice and lack of experience being on the road. Not because I'm not with them.
I don't really have a solution to... anything, but I just want to tell anyone who is lacking confidence today that...... if it's you, I know you can do it. I know it might not mean much since I don't know you, but I don't think I have to. Anyone can do anything.
And I just know that you can absolutely do this!